Did you see my clues, perchance?
It was Schopenhauer who said something to the extent of those working without the pay are the most trustworthy of scholars and creators…for it is they who act for the act’s sake. I agreed then with his assessment and I still find myself in firm agreement with that particular statement. Schopenhauer had many points to make that were sensible from my perspective, but considered misogynistic in the eyes of others. Perhaps…perhaps they were always both. I am not a hater of women however…I’m merely a cynic when it comes to the concept of human nature.
But I’m not interested in exploring the last bit of my previous paragraph. In stead, I find myself at a crossroads created directly through a struggle of morality. You may recall my recent decision to make 2010 a working year, in which I wanted to use my writing skills, my creativity and insights, to actually make me some money. I have found however, at the end of this week, that this appears to be in direct contradiction to my views on said work. To me my work is a sharing of thoughts, emotions and fascinations. It’s my legacy, in a sense, and it relies on me to strengthen its foundations and influences. On a more philosophical and ethical level I believe that writings of this nature, of my nature, must serve to enhance bits and pieces of the human condition.
So how in my right mind could I ever try to sell my work? How could I say to people… “Pay up and you may learn something!” “Pay up and you might find the inspiration you seek!” “Pay up and you may solve the problem that is bothering you!” Assuming my work would ever be of such gravitas…how could I do such a thing? I could do stuff like that…but I’d end up throwing away all the mirrors in my direct surroundings. Not that this would necessarily be a bad thing, mirrors don’t typically work to justify my self-esteem. But of course it runs deeper than such practicalities…right into the realm of what some might perceive as silliness.
I wouldn’t be comfortable, I wouldn’t feel like myself, if I asked people to pay for the words that I write…the ideas I produce. I’m not condemning those who make a different choice, hold a differing point of view. I’m merely saying that it does not feel right to me. So I must cut through the bushes and define a new path for myself. It’s nothing to worry about as I have grown familiar with that process by now. I have to figure out a way for me to survive (produce income) while maintaining a clear schedule of creative activity. No mean feat, as most will pound into your skull, but perhaps it’s something I might succeed at in due time. If given enough time to properly think ahead.
I was wondering about how money ever even entered the equation. I think I understand it by now. It was economical pressure. I need money to survive and I want to create, the most obvious of combinations then is to create for money. As things tend to go with pressure, I generated a blind spot where my ethics used to go. But my system can’t run without ethics for long and so I find myself here now, in a sense clueless.
Clueless…but hopeful.