Don’t save the last dance
I’m in love with Genius…but I’m afraid she won’t dance with me.
I can say this because I have gotten a flew glimpses at the nature, the essence, of highly elevated thought (as opposed to ordinary elevated thought) To distinguish between levels of elevation may appear like a senseless thing to do but, truly, it is not. It is merely capturing a series of differences that help explain the dynamics of intellectualism and human cognitive functioning in general.
Such is life. There is the obtainable and then there is that of which one could only dream, should one decide to do so. It’s not really a conscious thing, is it? The motivations that fuel us are typically positioned right underneath the surface. It takes lots of time and observation to come close to deducing that which truly drives us. It’s not something that happens overnight and keeping track of everything, as I have been doing of the last couple of years, can assist you greatly in an overall perspective of self.
The above sentence, in Italic font, is one I dreamed up a fair amount of years ago, too. I feared then, as I know now, that my intelligence and creative aptitude will never make the highest cut…even if they do make high cuts in general. It’s something that has bothered me for quite some time until I got to wondering where that high standard came from to begin with. What was it that made me feel like I had to prove myself? What exactly was the appeal of a lasting contribution to mankind, intuitively sensing that after death there is nothing more to it?
I haven’t found the answers. Yet, there has occured a shift in interest and awareness during the last couple of months. With that shift came a peculiar peace of mind that I have welcomed warmly. It’s an appreciation and a long lost insight that has altered my state of being. I first started writing for writing’s sake. Or rather, for a therapeutic sense of awareness. Whereas my frequency of writing increased because of my longer term goals of selling my work, the passion and personal interest diminished to some degree. And even though the insights kept rolling in they found less resonance with my own perception, and the positive feeling I should have gotten out of them.
Once this need to sell vanished through a VETO of my own morality a sense of calmth covered my mind like a warm blanket. I realized what was important. And that’s not the quantity of production…it’s the quality and, even more importantly, the happiness that it should bring. The elevation of self awareness, the increase of personal understanding and enrichment of the human psyche. That’s what matters. Should I do this once a year then let me do it once a year. Should I do it once a week…then let me do it once a week.
And with that vanished my desire to dance with Genius. What has remained is only the need to understand her. To explore the vast regions of her mind and inner dynamics. I will continue to do this with the highest pleasure, and the deepest of frustrations.
Because that’s what I do.